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Monday, July 28, 2014

Unlike Black men, why Black women do not put our interests first

Bougieblackgirl is officially my twin sis

July 24, 2014

imageBeing pro-Black woman doesn’t mean you are antiBlack man. I feel like I have repeated this for the 1,000th time but it needs to be repeated. It means like Black men have done during every single social and political movement, Black women must put our political, physical, financial and social interests first. I believe Black women must become pro-Black woman in order to have our issues resolved. If we do not, things will simply stay the same. Why have Black women’s issues been ignored even though we have actively participated in every civil rights movement? It is my opinion that Black women and Black men have been conditioned to have two different perspectives of the Black community.
I believe the difference between Black women and Black men is that Black men see themselves as men who happen to be Black. That’s why some do not protect and march for Black women. That is why some are also actively promoting and upholding patriarchal and intraracial racist beliefs. Ask yourself when was the last time there was an act of injustice against Black women that Black men en mass were actively involved in? Was it equal to the level of participation Black women conducted during the Trayvon Martin situation? We know the answer. However these same people expect Black women to march in protest for them.
Black women, unlike every other group, see themselves as Blacks who happen to be women. Racial identity comes first. We have subconsciously adapted the mentality that “all women are White and all Blacks are men.” Because of this, black women are fully invested in alleviating and eradicating all of problems within the black community (Black men’s issues) but it comes at a cost. Issues like the epidemic of sexual abuse committed against Black girls under the age of 18, the 64,000 missing Black women and girls, street harassment, domestic violence, black girls having the highest school suspension rate and other pressing issues are often ignored. However, issues pertaining to Black men and boys are constantly acknowledged and steps are being taken to end it, i.e. “My Brothers Keeper.” The sad thing is that we accept it because we believe this is how it is supposed to be. We are meant to be servants. Basically while saving our sons we are ignoring and minimizing the cries and pain of our daughters.
Many Blacks are uncomfortable with the notion of Black women seeing ourselves as women who are Black because it means demanding reciprocity just like every other group. They use words like feminists, bitches, “divide and conquer” and others to bully Black women into submission and silence. Quite honestly, they are invested in maintaining the status quo which means ignoring the needs of Black women and putting Black men’s issues first. I’m not asking you to align yourself with White feminist nor am I asking you to be antiBlack man. Many of us have wonderful people in our lives who are feminists and or Black men. However, I am asking you to do what every other group has done. Black women must put our needs, wants, safety and health first. Break the 400 years of mammy, maid and servant service conditioning. If we don’t, things will never change and we will continue to suffer in silence. We owe ourselves more than that.
Thanks for reading.

Friday, July 25, 2014

But let a black man complain about racism in the music industry and towards their images and we'll support them!! Nicki Minaj new album cover controversy!!

You all know I have no problem discussing Nicki Minaj. She is not a controversial person, and she is not offensive to me.

But recently Nicki posted an album cover of her new single, Andaconda. And she's in a G-string, a top and Jordans. She's not nude or anything, the only thing showing is her backside.

Nicki called out her critics shortly after...

Implying that white women's bodies are not deemed offensive and how they're allowed to show their bodies and sexuality in a way that black women are not. Now I expected the black community, who makes every damn thing about racism and whitness to come to her defense (but Lord knows I shouldn't have expected anything different because black people really hates this girl's guts) but they dragged her to pure filth and even start bringing up Iggy Azalea, calling Nicki an attention seeker, trashy and classless.

The same Iggy Azalea who made these racist/homphobic Twitter comments that everyone seem to just ignore...


It's more than these btw, I'll get to them later...

The same Iggy Azalea who's stage performances look like this...

They hate the black Nicki Minaj so much that they are willing to support the white carbon copy of Nicki over the black one.

Now if this were a black male artist, no matter his past or history of he can just flat out be an A-hole, all he has to do is say the white man was racist towards me, and black people will come to his defense, forgive him for whatever the hell he did and we'll began going down memory lane about how we should support our skrong black brovas.

I was just debating on a blog about the comments under the article I posted from where the author, who is a black woman mentioned not coming to the defense of black men or the black community anymore because neither return the favor for black women.

I cringed a little at first because the video of the man being murdered broke my heart, but at the same time she's correct. Black women are only defended if she is "Respectable" to the images of misogynistic black women, black men, and racist society.

I told you all black women fight a double edged swords. One against the rules made for women, black people.

Nicki Minaj is NOT offensive. What makes her any worse than 2 Chainz, Katy Perry, Lil Wayne, Rihanna, Cheif Keef and all of these other scantily clad, and offensive artists?

I know!! She's an unapologetic black woman. Black people HATE unapologetic black women and so do white people.

So I'm not shocked that a black woman can call out racism she is plagued with and not one damn sista soldier or brotha Malcom comes to her rescue.

But I'll sit back and wait until some negro rappers gets defended and lauded for standing up against the WHITE MANZ while contradicting himself **cough** Kanye West.

Black people get on my damn nerves with their lop sided faux outrage about race. Like Twitter said #blackpowerisforblackmen.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Yikes truth hurts?: Why I will not March for Eric Garner

Well I'm not going to give my perspective on the article nor am I going to comment on Eric Garner. Just posting the article for you all to read. I will say, I guess this time the roosters have come home to roost. Remember healthy discussions and debates are always welcomed in the comment section.

Why I Will Not March for Eric Garner


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

"I can't breathe."

I held my breath as I watched Eric Garner's pleas for mercy. I didn't make it to the part where he suffocated--hands behind his back, face down--on the sidewalk. The familiarity stings. I knew the ending. Images of murdered black men haunt my thoughts.

When looking at Eric Garner's lifeless body, I don't have to imagine that he is my brother or my father to recognize the injustice of his suffering. My heart aches for the family he will never return to. And if the justice we speak of routinely is more than a figment of our imaginations, I pray it comes swiftly to Mr. Garner's family.

But if the NYPD or the City of New York fail to act, I will not march for Eric Garner. I will not rally for him because I am reserving my mental and emotional energy for the women, the Black women, no one will speak for.

While the effectiveness of social media in spreading Garner's story heartens me. I could not refrain from comparing the empathy shown him, particularly by Black men, to that which is heartbreakingly absent when Black women attempt to discuss the everyday terrors we experience both in the world and at their hands.

Watching black men show up for Garner after seeing so many derail conversations about Black women's well-being leaves me with little more than a sinking feeling of despair upon recognition that the understanding so many of us crave will not come.

In recent weeks, Black women have launched campaigns to ensure that we can exist in public without experiencing harassment and have presidential endorsement of policy that addresses our specific needs. And though these petitions seem common sense to me, Black women's mere desire to take up space is met with push back. And then we are caught in a cycle of perpetually asserting our humanity.
 These conversations do not only happen online. I, myself, have spent hours trying to explain to otherwise thoughtful, intelligent men why wearing a tight dress is not sending an invitation to harassment. I resign the conversations only when I know that no amount of emphatic gestures or desperate articulations will bridge the gap to comprehension.

I've found the will to dominate to be impenetrable to appeals for compassion--as was painfully clear in the widely circulated video of Eric Garner's death.

Too many fail to recognize that the violence, psychological verbal and physical, that we direct toward each other in communal spaces reflects the violence enacted upon our bodies and minds by larger dominating structures; thus there's an inability by many Black men to acknowledge that Black women, too, have a right to move through the world without fear--that a woman should not have to avert her eyes and quicken her pace when she encounters men in public spaces.

But we are told that unless we are murdered or raped, we are not truly in distress because Black women's bodies are instruments upon which black men can play out their fantasies of domination without reprisal. But the illusion of power crumbles when black men face the police state.

Black people, both men and women, experience coercive, violent and often deadly interactions with law enforcement. Abuses of the badge draw immediate outrage. In these tragedies, even the men who regularly assault or excuse the assault of Black women, can see themselves, and their fear is most legitimate.

We have been conditioned to believe the exploitation of Black women's work to be a normal, expected part of our womanhood. Fear of being deemed selfish compels us to act against self-interest. But that which is good for women is good for all of us.

I'm not settling for anything less than reciprocity. If you refuse to hear our calls for help, then I cannot respond to yours. I have no desire, as a Black woman, to be placed on a pedestal, but I will not allow myself to become a footstool. Do not ask me for empathy if you are content to deny it in return.

Many women continue to believe that offering unconditional support to the men who dismiss their calls for help will result one day in a return of care--as though they are watering a seed. But I have yet to see the fruit from that tree of hope, and I'm tired of waiting.

So I will mourn Eric Garner and I will cry bitter, broken tears for him, but that is all that I can do.

Inter-racial bliss: Love It! Couple I Interviewed for Loving Day 2014 Tied the Knot!!

Courtesy of Beyondblackwhite

Love It! Couple I Interviewed for Loving Day 2014 Tied the Knot!!

 I just love it when this happens, and it happens a lot. 

Last year, courtesy of online dating site,, I was able to attend the 2013 Loving Day flagship celebration in New York City. While I was there, I met a couple and did a video that has gone semi-viral.



Well guess what? The couple just reached out to me on our Facebook fan page to tell me that they just go hitched!!!
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Mr. Josh and Mrs. Melissa!